25 and Unemployed

The Story of A Nashville Temp

i'm back.

my best friend in NYC has this job where she works for some multi billionaire finance guy (i don’t know the details). her duties are those of any other 3rd assistant to a multi billionaire: talk to Al Gore, get the new e-mail address for the Prime Minister of England, buy books on oil in the middle east, serve coffee to Richard Branson and today…write Prince Charles a letter. I’m lucky to have such a great friend:

Your Royal Highness,

Thank you for your letter of April 23rd regarding The Prince’s Foundation’s work in Sierra Leon. I have only just received the letter today and have passed it along to the directors of our Africa programs at my foundation. Also, a friend of my assistant, the one whose name i do not know, would like to make sure she is still on track to marry into your family.

Best regards,

May
12th

Mon

To the studio!

kelbyray:

It’s 8am. On our way to the studio. But not a recording studio, a TV studio! I won’t spoil the suprise, but we’re gonna be on a primetime cable show playing at a beach party. This is our first TV appearance! More info later on. Ok, ok, we’re gonna be on Lost!!! Just kidding. How would that be explained?

please let it be Greek…i mean…i don’t watch that show.

okay, i do.

May
7th

Wed

apparently these guys aren’t like us…they don’t put their pants on one leg at a time.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

brittjohnson:

peterwknox:

Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros, by Flight Of The Conchords…

From Agave Saturday night. Right about the time the midget wrestlers came out. Yep…that’s right…MIDGET WRESTLERS!

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Space Capone - I Just Wanna Dance

It’s too beautiful outside to listen to unhappy music!!

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

this makes me giggle. we have a friend named ryan in town that calls his friend emily when he’s had too many…umm…sodas and leaves messages and records them. this one is CLASSIC!

brittjohnson:

Another drunk message from my friend RyanJames to Emily- The Varsity

May
2nd

Fri

this puts things into perspective quite nicely…thanks Britt.

brittjohnson:

peterwknox:

elioty:

The Facebook Generation

Haha, it’s brilliant because it’s British.

May
1st

Thu

Can You Follow This?

My 14 year old cousin just wrote me on MySpace about her life…this is what she had to say:

“Ok at first it was fine i didnt have a bf and then this guy that i dont even no asked me out so i said sure then the next day I woke up and another guy asked me out so i said sure then i broke up with that guy that dosent no me then a couple of days later another guy asked me out at church and i said sure then i broke up with that other guy and now i love this guy that im going out with and idk why alot of people love me but its weird and i kinda feel loved!!!!”

wow.

i copied this from Allison Treadwell (at) she's a freaking stud of a girl in austin...lately, our friendship has been purly textual:
at: let's be friends. i think you're super nice.
cb: wow. i'm shocked that you think i'm nice...even after i poisoned your cat.
at: i always hated that cat. so it was more like you did me a favor. and, anyway, i did drown your hamster.
cb: i thought you were teaching him to swim so that he could resuce all that jewelry i flushed down your toilet.
at: not after i sold all your heroin at 4x street value and used your crystal glasses as planters for the marijuana
cb: i stole money from your mom and made your grandparents pot brownies.
at: i sold your cousin into slavery so that i could afford a prostitute, which turned out to be your cousin.
cb: i peed on your salad and called it a viniagrette
at: i sold your email address and phone number to telemarketers and penis enlargement companies.
cb: i listed you on hotornot.com and voted you not 287 times
at: i put koolaid in your showerhead.
cb: i called your high school and had you listed in the alumni news as now going by albert
at: i told your mom that you're gay and in love with a vegas performer.
cb: i put sugar in your gas tank..and steel balls on the back of your car
at: i froze all of your bras and stole your boyfriend.
cb: i told perez hilton you were the girl in dustin diamond's sex tape...and sent in your high school grad picture
at: i pushed the door close button while you were trying to catch the elevator.
cb: i loaded your ipod with kidzbop songs
at: i had one of my eggs fertilized by satan and then had your artificially inseminated while you slept.
cb: i changed your myspace layout to one with kittens dressed as humans.
at: i broke the unibomber out of jail just to send you a mail bomb.
and then we started talking about how we're going to keep ourselves pure during our one month anti-kiss campaign:
at: i'm going to wear a sign that says "no more boys"
cb: i'm going to wear a tshirt that says "modest is hottest"
at: i'm going to buy all turtlenecks and sweatpants
cb: i'm going to buy a cat or two and dress them in matching sweaters that say "mommy is single"
at: i'm going to start writing slam poetry about why boys are evil and my vagina is a temple.
cb: i'm going to stop showering until "tibet is free."
at: i'm going to punch any man who dares open a door for me, then i'm going to lecture him while he's down.
cb: i'm going to follow lilith fair
at: i'm going to reveal the truth about myself: i was born a man
cb: i'm going to stop going to the gym and start mall walking
at: i'm going to buy a "leave room for jesus" shirt and end every sentence with an appropriate bible verse.
cb: i'm going to wear head gear and decorate it for every holiday
at: i'm going to embroider my name into all of my underwear and only buy those morman swimsuits
cb: i'm going to start a second life profile and my avitar can be super hot and slutty, that way i will still be fulfilled
at: if asked if i'm seeing anyone, i'll say no, but that i do have two children: my teacup poodles mitzi and bitzi
cb: and i'll say no, but i see no point since aliens are taking over the earth in five days and i have learned klingon in preparation for the political takeover.
at: i'll tell all potential suitors that they have to wrestle my navy seal ex-boyfriend for my number
cb: when asked for my sign, i'll ask if i can pray for god to forgive them for their wicked ways.
at: i have a date tonight - i'm going to go jogging in sweats beforehand, and then refuse to shower
cb: and make sure you carry your herpies cream with you and ask if he knows how to use it.
at: i'll let him know i'm starting an "absolute abstinance" club with my friends.
cb: i'm buying a true love waits ring!
at: i feel so chaste!
cb: i'm going to compete for the chastity cup!
at: i'm going to start a nonprofit race for the pure!
this is how i get through the days at work. edited for content and time.